Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize