DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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