Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
