now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
