the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
