At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
