bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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