Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
