My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
