I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
