and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
