youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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