Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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