the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
