i'm signing you up for texting rehab
there was a trapeze. enough said
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
