he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
