Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
