How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
