I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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