I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
