There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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