my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
