He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
