He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
