I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
