nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
