My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
