Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We are two peas in an std pod
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
