Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
