Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
