big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
