Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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