Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
