i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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