Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
