Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
