24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize
