So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
