It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I believe in your delicious
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
