I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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