somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
