I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize