I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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