you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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