and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
