I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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