Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
