I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Randomize
