just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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