wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
