And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
