I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
