they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
