I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Drunk is not a location!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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