I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
