dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
