Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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