Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
