I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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