just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
