So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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