Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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