hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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