Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hippo gnu deer
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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