My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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