Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
