I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
