I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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