literally had 100 drinks last night.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
