Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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