Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
