'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
