NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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