who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
