Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
