I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
