so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
